Did I mention I have a new job?

Yes, I’m no longer working as a Project Manager in publishing, so I’m not sure what I’m going to write about, since I’m actually enjoying my new job 🙂 it has its rough moments though, but nothing really to write about on here (not yet anyway)…

I could write about this though: The turmoil of taking the bus to work.

Yes, I’m now in a position to take the bus to and from work. This suits me perfectly as I have severe road-rage and not having to drive does wonders for my body and soul. As well as my mind – since I have no murderous thoughts. I feel like a whole new person, I feel light and happy and good!

Anyway, besides all that happiness that no one wants to hear about, I have some irks on the bus. Like people coughing with their mouths wide open (thanks for the spit buddy, I forgot to shower this morning and I don’t yet have the particular strain of germ you are carrying, so I get a double dose of disgusting).

There’s also a lady who does the following. For the whole of the bus ride from home to work, she listens to one song ON REPEAT. The same song over and over for about an hour. And the funny thing is, so does the rest of the bus! Her earphones are those that don’t really muffle what you listen to, so it sounds like a radio playing out of her ear. I now (when she’s on the bus) have the pleasure of listening to David Guetta’s Titanium for an hour. Sometimes my ears start to bleed, other times I just softly cry and rock myself, but the worst is when I softly sing along in my head.

Side note: I have an iPod, but sometimes I forget to charge it, because I’m forgetful. Guys I have to share this too, because I feel so tech savvy, I’m posting this from my phone so I hope it looks okay. By the way, her song of choice hasn’t changed for a month.

This is often how I feel.

This is often how I feel.

July 13, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

It’s been a while… but alcohol keeps me busy…

I know, I haven’t written a post in a long time, so I’m back with a post about drinking. I’ll give an update on my life (boring!) another time.

So, here is a list of things you will hear me say when I’m drunk and how you should handle my words of wisdom.

I’m drunk!

Pretty self-explanatory – I like to inform people of my current state while hanging on to their hand or arm. This is to prepare them for my behaviour for the rest of the night so that they know nothing I say or do should be held against me on a personal level.

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Take note of what I say and try not to get annoyed by how many times you will still hear it. 

I feel like dancing, let’s go dance!

I love dancing, but I don’t have a booty to shake or any particular awesome moves that will get me on So you think you can dance? But you know, after you’ve had a few Jagers, you think you’ve got the moves like Jagger. (I don’t though, it’s embarrassing.)

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Dance with me, it usually sobers me up so you only have to deal with the embarrassment for a while and you won’t have to deal with drunk me for the whole night. Win! Also, Jazz hands!

Woohoo!

Yep. I’m one of those girls.

Just go with it. 

Come with me, we should have a shot!

This is always a bad idea.

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Do not listen to me when I say this. Ignore me. Run away. Drag me back to the dance floor or have someone pin me down like a wrestler, but for god’s sake DO NOT have another shot with me. 

Just give me the bottle, the glass doesn’t take enough. 

I’m very classy in that when I party at my house (I don’t do this in public – right there, I lied) I tend to just drink straight from the bottle. And I’m not just talking about beer here… Poised ladies around the world are shaking their heads in disappointment.

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DO NOT give me the bottle and do not let me out of your sight for one second, because I can get sneaky when I’ve had too much to drink. 

Can we get MacDonald’s?

I will make you sit in the drive-through for an hour if it means that I can go to bed with a stomach full of MacDonald’s happiness. And the next day, I will complain of a stomach ache.

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You should just do as I say; I can be very demanding when I’m drunk. Oh, who am I kidding? I’m always demanding.  

Wanna party?

July 28, 2013. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. 2 comments.

Imagine this…

It’s a hot sticky night in December. Tomorrow is a public holiday.  Beautiful people are milling around in the small space. I’m hanging at the bar listening to some unknown DJ trying to amp-up the crowd for the big act of the night. Goldfish. There is a cool breeze flowing through the open glass doors that lead to the white sand of the beach. The moon is shedding its light on the ocean; it’s streaming into the club with the breeze. The DJ’s set is over and the beautiful people start making their way to the small stage. I make the conscious decision to hang around the open glass doors so that breeze can cool me down when the music takes control of my feet. Anticipation is etched on the faces of the beautiful people. It’s time. The crowd is roaring. I take the last sip from my ice-cold minty Mojito and place my glass on the nearest table. My hands need to be free for this. The first beats of Fort Knox start to sound, the laser lights start flashing and the crowd goes crazy. Soon sweating is trickling down bodies and hands are waving in the air. I’m standing at the back; my body softly swaying to the beat and melody, my hands are making patterns in the flashing laser lights that are shooting past me. The crowd of beautiful people are intertwining and becoming one as the beat picks up. The volume of the crowd is increasing and I’m being pushed out of the doors onto the soft powdery sand. I don’t care, I can still hear them and the atmosphere is what makes this experience worthwhile. Besides, there’s nothing better than dancing in the moonlight on a white sandy beach.

 

On a hot December evening a girl can dream right?

 

December 16, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . Holiday. 1 comment.

So you unfriended me on Facebook… and I found out.

I'm so sad. Can't you see??

Usually this would not bother me. But since I’m writing about this on my blog, it’s obviously bothering me a tiny bit. You know what makes this instance so much different from the rest of the assholes (or am I the asshole since they unfriended me *shrug*) that unfriended me? Because we actually go around in the same group of friends you moron! Thanks for creating an awkward situation.

Alas, I have decided to trump you. And at our next social gathering, I will tell you to your face: I saw the other day I had one less friend on Facebook. Turns out, it was you! Now that is something I am very good at, making an awkward situation, ten times more AWKWARD! I cannot express to my readers how super-duper excited I am about this 🙂 and I would love to see your reaction so we can get this sorted out a.s.a.p.

Unfriended in real life too.

I am however, wondering about this occurrence. You did not unfriend my boyfriend, or any of our other mutual friends (yes, I’ve done my digging thoroughly. As we have previously established, I have excellent stalking talents).

So, I’ve listed some of the reasons for this unfriend-ly situation to occur:

1. Your extremely jealous girlfriend did this horrendous thing and you have no clue. Yes, I know that she has been jealous of me since we met, because you had a tiny, miniscule crush on me six years ago. SIX YEARS AGO. Did you get that last part? It’s so long ago I have trouble remembering my age back then. If this is the case, please tell her to grow the fuck up. No one cares about shit that happened six years ago.

2. I am one of those people on Facebook who bombard you with stupid requests and update my status a thousand times a day. I’m not like that and I have 100 Facebook friends who can prove it.

3. I annoy the crap out of you. Well, this one is probably the most likely cause. You want to know why? It’s because at social gatherings where I am forced to interact with the miserable person you are, I always try to be a little funny and act a little stupid so that maybe, just maybe, you would crack a smile and stop being such a grown-up asshole. You are only a few years older than me, so please, pull the big grown-up carrot out of your bum and laugh a little. I promise you, your face will not crack and your teeth will not fall out. Maybe you could think back to how absolutely adorable I was six years ago? If you can remember that far back. Otherwise, just ask your girlfriend.

You are annoying.
Yes. I know I am, but what are you?

 4. You actually just don’t want to be my friend and there is no more to it. Well, this is just not true. Because I am an awesome, friendly, hilariously funny, extroverted individual that people just want to friend all the time. Haven’t you seen I have like 100 Facebook friends? An all-time record of having the most friends on Facebook. There is no way that this is the reason.

My readers might ask: ImagineWisdom, what makes this different from the public humiliation you suffered when that shit restaurant you un-followed on Twitter broadcasted to the whole of Twitterland that you are not their Twitter-friend anymore?  Not much different. I actually got the idea for this post from there. Thanks shit restaurant for your brilliant idea. 

Well, I can’t wait to see you again my unfriended friend. It’s time for some AWKWARD! 

 

P.s. Seriously, who installs a Twitter app to let them know when someone un-follows them? And then they re-tweet it for all of Twitter to see. Shame man, get a life!

*Disclaimer: Some of this post is written in Sarcasm-mode, and some of it is not. You can just make up your own mind about that.

April 11, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Friends, Uncategorized. 3 comments.

I’ve lost my shadow!

Last week it felt like something was amiss in my life. 

Something is missing

 

Like I’d lost my shadow – a constant companion.

Shadow? Where art thou?

 

There were just too many open spaces around me. I felt lonely. 

So much space...

 

But then I looked again. You know. Like when you see something out of the corner of your eye?

"Miaauw?"

 

How could I miss him?

"Here I am!"

 

My constant shadow was back to follow me everywhere. 

"Love me! Love me! Love me!"

 

And all was good again.

"!!!!LOVE ME!!!!"

 

Meet my cat, Ash. I call him Katjie. He likes to follow me around and attack my legs. But I’m sure he loves me 🙂 because I feed him and give him cuddles.

March 1, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , . Animals, Uncategorized. 7 comments.

I miss my brother

I just got home from celebrating my brother’s 36th birthday, coincidently, also the 3 year anniversary of his death.

My brother died 3 years ago on his birthday. Yes, it was unexpected. You don’t expect to go to your big brother’s 33rd birthday, look for him for four hours and then find him in a morgue.

Anyway. I miss him a lot. A bunch of his friends told some interesting stories of him tonight and I’m glad I heard them. When he was still here, he would often tell me stories of when he was younger and the shit he got up to.

My brother was very much into music, especially guitar. He played since the age of 13. And he was good. I’m not just saying it because he was my brother, you can ask anyone, he was really good. I remember when I was young I was never allowed to touch his guitar, it was like a holy piece of equipment. So, when I was alone and no one was watching, I would sneak up to it and softly strum it with my index finger.

As I got older a big part of our relationship revolved around music. I would sit in his room for hours, smoke his Camel Filter cigarettes, talk about his travels and listen to him as he tried to teach me what good music was. He tried his best to teach me how to play Redemption Song, but piano was more my thing back then. People still don’t get that there are some songs that I just can’t listen too.

Now his guitar is just sitting in our living room, like it’s just waiting for him to come out and play the shit out if it. We wish you would.

A fond memory I have of my brother is from when I was very young. We didn’t get along very well back then, we fought a lot (well, we did have an 11 year gap between us). I was also quite the little pain in the ass so I can just imagine what it must have been like to have me as a baby sister. So this one morning (when I was about 4) I wake up and my parents are not home. I start freaking out. Screaming and crying and just totally going into a frenzy. I clearly remember thinking that they had abandoned me (take note: they only went to the shop). I thought I was totally alone in the world. Then from nowhere, my brother starts calling me. I was surprised he was home and that, in fact, I was allowed into his room, which I never was. I can’t remember the words spoken that day, but what I do remember is him telling me that I can lie next to him but I must keep absolutely quite and I mustn’t move unnecessarily. I have a photo to prove this incident, because when my parents got home and saw this they could not believe their eyes. In the picture we are both smiling and we are lying in bed next to each together in the exact same position. This to me, was an amazing incident. It proved that he loved me. And he always did.

One of your life long friends made an interesting comment tonight: it’s not that we have forgotten you, it’s just that the pain of remembering has gotten easier to bear.

To end off, I will quote the words from the song we played at your funeral, Metallica’s “Fade to Black” (you weren’t depressed or anything, you just really liked Metallica and apparently you had a thing going with your friends – that if you died young this would be the song that played):

Yesterday seems as though it never existed

Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye

Goodbye

 

Your head stone

 

Your favourite thing in the world

I am aware that this post is pretty incoherent and the paragraphs have no relation to each other, but tonight I don’t really care much. We miss you.

February 22, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , . Music, Sad. 3 comments.

Stalker mentality

Why is it so difficult to reach people who think they are very busy and important? I don’t get it. I’m busy and yet I still have time to reply to an email or return a phone call. And yes, it’s quite a crucial matter actually. She should know this, since she’s so damn important being a marketing manager for a very big bank firm in our country, and well, the WORLD! And yet, even though she is so very high-up in ranking she does not know how to accomplish the simple task of picking up the phone or typing out an effortless email.

It started with me phoning every week (like a stalker) leaving messages on her work phone. It went like this:

I am assured by the receptionist that she is in office. They refuse to give me her email address.

Phone rings twice, and goes straight to voice mail.

I leave a detailed message stating my business, phone number and email address.

Ignore. (You know, like on Facebook, ignoring a friend request. Except, this is not a friend request, it is a BUSINESS REQUEST.)

Repeat four times.

So, I had to resort to extreme stalker mentality. And I did a search of her name and the company’s name on Google, like this: her name, her surname, the company’s name. And guess what? I found it.

(Oh, and in case you didn’t know, I am really, really good at finding things on the internet. My research skills are tremendously awesome.)

Then I had to type out an email. I spent a whole lot of time trying to find the appropriate words to voice my utter annoyance at her wasting my precious time. Here are some ideas I had:

Dear Maud

I have phoned four times now, and you have chosen to ignore me. I then had to resort to more frowned upon explorations to find your email address, since your company is too anal to give out. And now, I shall stalk you into replying to my request, like I stalked the internet to find your precious email address.

(This one seemed too psychopath-like to me)

Dear Maud

Fuck you for not returning my call and wasting my time. I hate you and your guts and I don’t even know you. But hey, here I am sucking up to you so that you can say YES. Please see my request below.

(This one seemed a bit aggressive)

Dear Maud

I have left four time-consuming messages on your work phone. They were very self-explanatory with easy to follow instructions. Could it be that you are deaf and could not hear them? Could it be that you have broken both your arms and cannot dial my number or email me? Or is it that you are just too plain stupid to follow instructions? If it is the latter, please explain to me how you excelled to get your current position in the company. I would love to incorporate the same tactics so that I too can be lazy, stupid and incompetent and still occupy a very high and mighty position.

(This one seemed too patronising)

Yes, in the end my email was professional and had easy to follow instructions. Let’s hope I hear back from her, or else who knows what resorts I will have to take to get an answer out of her. Maybe start stalking her home phone? Or home address?

Hmm. We’ll see.

January 16, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Work annoyance. 6 comments.

What? It’s 2012 already?!

No pretty pictures or songs today. Just some words to take with you into 2012.

Perfect. What does the concept even mean? The Oxford Dictionary of English defines it as: “having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be” (2010:1320). I have to laugh really loud here. Excuse me. But has anyone ever achieved that state of being? You could be thinking your work is perfect, your relationship is perfect, that your LIFE is perfect. But is it really? How sure are you about it? Since nothing in this life is guaranteed. What do you even measure/compare it against?

Beware though. You could think your work is perfect… and then get fired. You could think your relationship is perfect… and then your boyfriend cheats on you. You could think your life is perfect… and then someone close to you dies. And guess what? The word “perfect” no longer exists in your vocabulary.

Who even thought to create a word like that? What could they possibly have been trying to explain/express when creating that word?

“Perfect” is just an illusion. No such thing exists in the reality we live in, as there is always space for improvement in this life. We are never really satisfied, even when we think we have achieved perfection, there is always something more.

So, my message to you for 2012 is: don’t live our life striving to be this “perfect” illusion of yourself in any facet of your life, rather just strive to be you, with all your faults and truths. People appreciate people who are true to themselves, and find “perfect” people, perfectly irritating.

December 31, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , . Uncategorized. 8 comments.

Can a song be hauntingly beautiful?

The answer is: Yes! Of course it can. Silly question. I can’t believe I even posed such a question. If you read my post music makes the world go round you would know how important melodies are to me. I particularly love the song Skinny Love by Bon Iver (written by Justin Vernon) and in my previous post mentioned above I make reference to a remix of it, which I happen to also love.

And then one lovely day, I was watching tv and Skinny Love started playing, totally catching me off guard, because it was not Bon Iver or the remix by Das Kapital. This was done by a girl called Birdy and it was love at first listen. Not that I am shunning the other two versions, I really love all three now. The more the merrier right? So why did I instantly fall in love with this song?  Well, I shall tell you.

1. It is sung by a girl. I love to hear a female voice sing. I actually prefer it to a man’s voice. Most of my favourite bands have female lead singers. By the way, Birdy (real name Jasmine Van den Bogaerde) is only 15.

2. It truly is hauntingly beautiful. You want to cry when you listen to it. And not because your ears are bleeding, but because it touches your heart and you can live yourself into the song.

So, I am going to share it with you  so that you can experience it and decide for yourself. Let me know what you think.

 

 

November 17, 2011. Tags: , , , , . Music. 9 comments.

Beach bum or Karoo flower?

Since I’ve been so inactive on my blog the last couple of weeks I will make up for it by showing picture collages of the places I have visited in that time. I have been excited about this post for approximately a month now. I made the collages and worked on Photoshop and just generally had a fun time!

Anyway, these awesome places are at total opposite ends in terms of the type of milieu they are situated in. One being on the coast by the beach (Franskraal) and the other inland in the Karoo (Beaufort West and Matjiesfontein).

I can never decide if I would rather live close to the sea or in the Karoo… What would you prefer? Maybe I would take living in the Karoo and having a holiday house by the beach? 🙂 I like that idea.

Please don’t judge me too harshly on my collage attempts. This is the first time I’ve tried this and it’s also the first time that I’ve tried my hand at Photoshop. Looking at these collages now I would definitely put plain borders around the different pictures because they seem to blend too much.

Some randoms from our Franskraal birthday weekend

On the sides we have the game “Pig-Out” and in the middle my “tattoo”. Very fake of course, but it looked very pretty especially against my pale foot and I found myself wishing it was real.

Franskraal's magic

Top left we have a random house right on the sand by the lagoon, on its right we have a long shot of those houses, then a really cool sign that was hanging in someone’s window, next to it is the house we lived in. I love that house and it’s not even mine. In this picture it looks kind of spooky, but it’s not. It’s lovely… and massive! It’s for sale now and it was probably the last time we will ever stay in it. That makes me sad. Then we have a shot of the street and then the water slide at the caravan park in Franskraal.

Franskraal in four pieces

So, over here we have two pictures I took from inside the house to show the viewer exactly how close we are to the beach. I quite love the bottom one. It looks very old-skewl. Then we have two pics from the beach. The top is a heart made of flowers that we randomly found on the beach. Pretty cute hey! I think it was for wedding pictures, because a little while before we went down to the beach a wedding following came from that direction. And then we also found this freaky looking shell creature. Apparently it stinks when you pick it up. I didn’t try to find out.

Let's go to the beach

Some random pictures I took at the beach. My personal favourite being the fisherman. I love fishing by the way. I found the lady walking with her orange outfit and matching Chinese umbrella unusual. It’s not like you see this everyday.

On our way to Beaufort West

I took these pictures while on our way to Beaufort West. We saw some trains going past and these pretty little purple, pink and orange flowers everywhere. It was very pretty, especially because it is usually quite dry.

Driving in the Karoo

Found that cross next to the road, not marked. We see a lot of those when we drive to Beaufort, sometimes they have pictures and names and sometimes it’s just two pieces of wood nailed together. However, it doesn’t matter what it looks like, it’s still a symbol of someone’s loved one who died on that road in that exact spot. Then of course there are many old train stations that are relic and abandoned.

Photos taken in Beaufort West

These photographs were taken in town at the local photography spot. It’s really pretty.

Some random photos from Beaufort West

These are some sheep we saw along the road, then an old fort that is (obviously) now abandoned and then the railway tracks. They basically run all the way along the road.

Matjiesfontein's calling

These photos were taken on our way back to Cape Town from Beaufort West in a little place called Matjiesfontein. The whole town consists of a very old hotel called the Lord Milner. I am not going to go into the history of the place, but if you are really interested you can just google it 🙂 And it’s beautiful! We have decided that we will definitely be sleeping over there sometime. We have also heard rumours that it is haunted. Double yay!

In and around the Lord Milner Hotel

Photographs taken at Matjiesfontein. There is also a museum. And I want a chandelier like that in my house one day. It will blow my visitor’s minds.

Odds and ends in Matjiesfontein

Some antiques we saw inside the hotel and one of the buildings next to it. There are quite a few of these old paintings. Mind you, there are actually quite few old things in the hotel. It is truly lovely.

Well, I hope you had as much fun as I had making this blog post 🙂 let me know whether you are a beach bum or a Karoo flower.

November 2, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . Holiday. 6 comments.

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