It was B-I-G

No, not that! And it’s not “what she said”. I know what you were thinking of and you should be ashamed 😉

We live in South Africa which is on the African continent. And when people from certain overseas countries hear this, they instinctively ask questions like: “Do you live in a hut? Do you have a pet lion? Do you ride around on elephants?”

The answer in my head usually goes: “Did you just fall out from space you fucking moron. No, get clued up. We live in a normal city like you. It has an infrastructure thus we drive in cars. And no, “pet lions” do not exist, but please do visit the Kruger National Park and try to pet the friendly cats. It will do humanity some good to have you removed from this planet.” But the real answer goes: “No, to all of the above.” (Accompanied by a sarcastic fake smile).

But sometimes it feels like we do live in the bush. I am talking about when the “pets” that inhabit our garden decide to invade our home during winter. These “pets” are fiercely frightening creatures called Rain Spiders. They should be called “peek-a-boos”. Why do you ask?

Spider peeking out

Well, you’ll be walking around in the house when suddenly something above your head catches your eye. “Peek-a-boo! I see you!” the spider calls. You let out a scream like a girl (wait I am a girl) You let out a scream like a frightened four-year-old and you freeze. Too scared to move, because if you do, it might jump on you due to it being frightened by your sudden movement. You close your eyes and hope you are imagining yourself. But then you’re like: “No! If my eyes are closed I can’t see him”. So, you open them and slowly back away. When you are far enough out of jump-range you do a little funny shake/shrug dance while making a shivering sound.


This is the effect these spiders have on people. Even on men.

We have had five of these visitors in one month (enough to traumatize anyone out of their jolly mind), even though our house is clean. The thing is, they can sense when it is going to rain and they start making their way to shelter and warmth. And well, what better place is there than a warm house?

Spider thug

How to get rid of a rain spider.

  1. You do not kill it. They are actually pretty magnificent creatures.
  2. You either catch it in a towel or you do the old glass bottle with cardboard or paper at the opening and place it outside as far away from the house as possible. Maybe even in the neighbours’ garden.
  3. Good luck with point one and two, because by the time you have to remove it you have worked yourself into such frenzy you are ready to poop your pants.

But all of this shows you something. Humans did not inhabit the places where suburbia is situated today. Suburbia came and disturbed the ecosystem of the world. The rain spider must actually be catching us and placing us in bottles, because we came and invaded their home looking for warmth and shelter.

P.S. Imagine how awesome it would be to ride on elephants and have pet lions. Nice! However, imagine how the world would be if rain spiders where big enough to catch humans and place them in bottles. Gross.


August 26, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Avoid if possible

I’ve been working in publishing for nine months now and there is something I have come to realise: there is a certain type of person who should not work in publishing, and that type is ME! Why would I think this?

Well, people like me make other people nervous.

This is a conversation my direct manager and I had. Please note: my direct manager is a lady who is not fazed by anything.

DM: Hey dude

Me: Hey!

DM: Have you been in my office lately? No wait. Have you seen my desk lately?

Me: – Swivelling my chair around looking into her office – Yes. Why?

DM: Dude, my desk is chaotic, but yours makes me anxious! – Looks at my desk like it is launching a paper-attack on her

Desk on the left side

Desk on the right side

Yes, my desk looks like a mini nuclear paper bomb has been dropped. Here’s the thing though, I know where everything is. If you had to come to my desk and ask for last months proposal forms, I know where to find it. I know it’s under last months stuff lying on the left corner of my desk (somewhere). 

I would probably make a really good hoarder one day.

Friend: Hey you! Where is that card I gave you in Grade 5?

Me: Oh the one with the pink frills? It’s in pile row number five of room eight under the old Cosmopolitan magazines from 2008.

Friend: Wow.

Anyway, I still love my job and my chaotic desk does not affect my ability to do it. Plus I am pretty sure I would not fit into any other industry 🙂

August 17, 2011. Tags: , , , , , . Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Be wise… Take a quiz

So, because I am a serious animal lover with too much time on my hands I did a few online quizzes about what type of dog would one day suit my family/house/me. The person who created this was clever, because many families end up with dogs that they give away after a few months because they are too active or they bite or they are too big, etc.  

My answers went something like this.

1. Where do you live?

Apartment, duplex, house with small garden, house with big garden, farm.

(Obviously I cannot foretell the future so these are all based on my hopes and dreams. Also, I am trying to be realistic, and even though I would love to live in a house with a massive garden I do not know if I will be able to afford that. I work in publishing not law.)

2. Do you want a child-friendly dog?

A)     Yes, because I have like three children and want more.

B)      Yes, because I have one child.

C)      Nah, I hate children and my dog should eat them.

(Once again I am being realistic. I am not very fond of children, I like my nephews and nieces and that’s about it. But I wouldn’t mind having one. And if for some weird reason it’s twins I wouldn’t mind having two, but that’s where it is going to end. Also, I don’t know how rich I’ll be and children make money disappear like Lego blocks and once again, I work in publishing not law.)

3. Are you active?

A)     Yes, my dog needs to take me for a run.

B)      In moderation, my dog needs to take walks.

C)      No, my dog needs to be a couch potato like me.

(Realistically, I run at the gym, so my dog won’t be going there. But I won’t mind taking it for strolls along the beach or to the park and throwing the ball.)

4. How often do you want to groom your dog?

A)     All the time. I would brush him like I brushed my Barbie’s hair.

B)      Sometimes, I don’t want fluff everywhere.

C)      I would prefer a dog that does not take a lot of grooming.

D)     What is grooming?

(I would love a dog with fluffy hair, but I am lazy when it comes to grooming. I hardly brush my own hair, but I won’t mind giving him a quick brush every now and again and bathing him.)

5. Do you want a guard dog?

A)     Uhm helloooo! I live in South Africa! Duh!

B)      My dog should bark when someone tries to enter my property.

C)      I said I want a couch potato.

(Be realistic people. You might live in South Africa, but that doesn’t mean you want a dog that attacks every living thing that enters your property. You can get a dog that alerts you when something in the environment changes, but that doesn’t attack without question.)

6. Do you want a toy, medium or large breed?

A)     Toy.

B)      Medium.

C)      Large.

D)     No preference.

(I really don’t mind since I want a small and a big dog. Ha! Tricked you, quiz.)

Okay, that’s all the questions I can remember. Here were the top choices I got from three different quizzes.


Greater Swiss Mountain Dog


















I am excited about this and it’s only for the future me 🙂 Which one do you think I should get?

What kind of dog would suit you?

Be wise and take a quiz before deciding to buy an animal 🙂

August 15, 2011. Tags: , , . Uncategorized. 1 comment.

Enjoy the scenery

I think I am a hard worker who deserves to have some time off when the occasion presents itself. And it presented itself last weekend. I took Monday off and turned it into a long weekend (with Tuesday being a public holiday) and it was absolutely worth it 🙂

Friday started with some delicious sushi and a few fun games of foosball with five of my close friends.

On Saturday, my love and I took the road to Ceres to visit his sister and her husband and their cute little girl on the farm. We had a good drive there with snow decorating the mountain tops and baboons sitting along the road. When we arrived there we were first greeted by their two dogs, Jesse the cocker spaniel and Boo a.k.a. Kahlua who is a pure mix breed (see their pics below), and then the family.

Jesse the cocker spaniel

Kahlua the pure mix breed

We had a great time there, with my love’s sister making yummy food every day. Our hosts spoiled us rotten and they are easy to talk to. For someone like me who has serious communication issues that is a major PLUS.

On Sunday we went for a walk in the veld and a drive on the bakkie. I felt like such a plaasmeisie with my hair blowing in the wind while standing on the back of the bakkie. Here are some photos of the picturesque scenery.

Snow on the mountain

Pretty tree

Their own park

Eden on the farm

As you can see, it is beautiful. Sadly, our trip had to end and we took the drive home. But Monday was another big day, because I got to see The Used live! And to my surprise, also P.H.Fat, Lark and Fokofpolisiekar. Man, I was so happy 🙂 Lark was amazing! Inge Beckmann’s voice is so strong and full of life. Plus she wore this black cape thing that looked really cool! If I had to wear it people might mistake me for an extreme weirdo, but it suited her style and way of being.

As usual Fokofpolisiekar got the crowd going, they just know how to amp people up for a show. The show ended with The Used who blew my mind. It was amazing hearing those songs that I have listened to since high school being played live. Songs that I related to when I was younger that are filled with so many memories. Now I have made new memories with those same songs.

Thanks to everyone who made my long weekend super special 🙂

August 11, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Holiday. Leave a comment.


What exactly is irritation?

It is that feeling you get when everything at work is flowing smoothly, your work is up-to-date, you are in a good mood, your bread for lunch looks delicious and then suddenly, BOOM! Your very old colleague who is older than your boss/your mom/your gran/really old people comes and patronizes you while you were trying to do something nice for her before she even started working here, because you knew she was going to have trouble catching up. You try to stay calm, because your mom taught you to be a nice Afrikaans girl with good manners and respect for older people. But you feel it. The itch. Creeping up your neck, spreading to your ear, into your hair. It feels like everything is itching. Your fingers start drumming, your eyes start to glaze over and your ears are buzzing. But you stay calm (even though everyone has been telling you your face gives you away and you should never try playing poker professionally). You stay calm even though you have images in your head where you are telling her to go away and be old somewhere else. Rude, rude, rude. You stay calm until exactly the second she leaves then you plug-in your earphones and blast the music very loudly while having rude thoughts about her having to stay away from work for a while (obviously you don’t want her to die, you just want her to go away and bother someone else) and you type up a blog entry. It’s not like you can go and punch something, or go run the treadmill at the gym or do anything that would put your irritation to good use.

And you think: I don’t hate old people, I love them. They give me sweets and money and they know how to bake fresh bread. But god damn it, that lady makes me see seven shades of red and black dots every time she creeps up behind me and asks me what I am doing at the EXACT moment I take a five minute break to check out damnyouautocorrect.

Mood = ruined.

The face of irritation

August 10, 2011. Tags: , , , , . Uncategorized. 1 comment.