Stalker mentality

Why is it so difficult to reach people who think they are very busy and important? I don’t get it. I’m busy and yet I still have time to reply to an email or return a phone call. And yes, it’s quite a crucial matter actually. She should know this, since she’s so damn important being a marketing manager for a very big bank firm in our country, and well, the WORLD! And yet, even though she is so very high-up in ranking she does not know how to accomplish the simple task of picking up the phone or typing out an effortless email.

It started with me phoning every week (like a stalker) leaving messages on her work phone. It went like this:

I am assured by the receptionist that she is in office. They refuse to give me her email address.

Phone rings twice, and goes straight to voice mail.

I leave a detailed message stating my business, phone number and email address.

Ignore. (You know, like on Facebook, ignoring a friend request. Except, this is not a friend request, it is a BUSINESS REQUEST.)

Repeat four times.

So, I had to resort to extreme stalker mentality. And I did a search of her name and the company’s name on Google, like this: her name, her surname, the company’s name. And guess what? I found it.

(Oh, and in case you didn’t know, I am really, really good at finding things on the internet. My research skills are tremendously awesome.)

Then I had to type out an email. I spent a whole lot of time trying to find the appropriate words to voice my utter annoyance at her wasting my precious time. Here are some ideas I had:

Dear Maud

I have phoned four times now, and you have chosen to ignore me. I then had to resort to more frowned upon explorations to find your email address, since your company is too anal to give out. And now, I shall stalk you into replying to my request, like I stalked the internet to find your precious email address.

(This one seemed too psychopath-like to me)

Dear Maud

Fuck you for not returning my call and wasting my time. I hate you and your guts and I don’t even know you. But hey, here I am sucking up to you so that you can say YES. Please see my request below.

(This one seemed a bit aggressive)

Dear Maud

I have left four time-consuming messages on your work phone. They were very self-explanatory with easy to follow instructions. Could it be that you are deaf and could not hear them? Could it be that you have broken both your arms and cannot dial my number or email me? Or is it that you are just too plain stupid to follow instructions? If it is the latter, please explain to me how you excelled to get your current position in the company. I would love to incorporate the same tactics so that I too can be lazy, stupid and incompetent and still occupy a very high and mighty position.

(This one seemed too patronising)

Yes, in the end my email was professional and had easy to follow instructions. Let’s hope I hear back from her, or else who knows what resorts I will have to take to get an answer out of her. Maybe start stalking her home phone? Or home address?

Hmm. We’ll see.

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January 16, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Work annoyance.

6 Comments

  1. Jax replied:

    LOL!! This is hysterical! It’s soo rude when people ignore other people. It’s ESPECIALLY rude when it’s business related. This is a professional environment, why do I need to chase you?!

    • imaginewisdom replied:

      I know right? Especially if they occupy an important position in the company. One would expect some sort of business etiquette from them.

  2. Corne replied:

    Haha, nice article, loved the aggresive and patronising ones. My email replies usually also take a similar shape or form until die emotion settles.

    • imaginewisdom replied:

      Thanks 🙂 yes, emotions can be career limiting 😉 But it’s good to let some steam off and then proceed to the more business-like response

  3. karen replied:

    I absolutely loved this – it was hilarious.Well written!Just what I needed at the end of this kak hot day!Karen

    • imaginewisdom replied:

      Haha! Thanks Karen, I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
      It was so damn hot today I didn’t even go for a swim. I was too scared the sun would pulverise me.

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