I’ve lost my shadow!

Last week it felt like something was amiss in my life. 

Something is missing


Like I’d lost my shadow – a constant companion.

Shadow? Where art thou?


There were just too many open spaces around me. I felt lonely. 

So much space...


But then I looked again. You know. Like when you see something out of the corner of your eye?



How could I miss him?

"Here I am!"


My constant shadow was back to follow me everywhere. 

"Love me! Love me! Love me!"


And all was good again.

"!!!!LOVE ME!!!!"


Meet my cat, Ash. I call him Katjie. He likes to follow me around and attack my legs. But I’m sure he loves me 🙂 because I feed him and give him cuddles.


March 1, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , . Animals, Uncategorized. 7 comments.

I miss my brother

I just got home from celebrating my brother’s 36th birthday, coincidently, also the 3 year anniversary of his death.

My brother died 3 years ago on his birthday. Yes, it was unexpected. You don’t expect to go to your big brother’s 33rd birthday, look for him for four hours and then find him in a morgue.

Anyway. I miss him a lot. A bunch of his friends told some interesting stories of him tonight and I’m glad I heard them. When he was still here, he would often tell me stories of when he was younger and the shit he got up to.

My brother was very much into music, especially guitar. He played since the age of 13. And he was good. I’m not just saying it because he was my brother, you can ask anyone, he was really good. I remember when I was young I was never allowed to touch his guitar, it was like a holy piece of equipment. So, when I was alone and no one was watching, I would sneak up to it and softly strum it with my index finger.

As I got older a big part of our relationship revolved around music. I would sit in his room for hours, smoke his Camel Filter cigarettes, talk about his travels and listen to him as he tried to teach me what good music was. He tried his best to teach me how to play Redemption Song, but piano was more my thing back then. People still don’t get that there are some songs that I just can’t listen too.

Now his guitar is just sitting in our living room, like it’s just waiting for him to come out and play the shit out if it. We wish you would.

A fond memory I have of my brother is from when I was very young. We didn’t get along very well back then, we fought a lot (well, we did have an 11 year gap between us). I was also quite the little pain in the ass so I can just imagine what it must have been like to have me as a baby sister. So this one morning (when I was about 4) I wake up and my parents are not home. I start freaking out. Screaming and crying and just totally going into a frenzy. I clearly remember thinking that they had abandoned me (take note: they only went to the shop). I thought I was totally alone in the world. Then from nowhere, my brother starts calling me. I was surprised he was home and that, in fact, I was allowed into his room, which I never was. I can’t remember the words spoken that day, but what I do remember is him telling me that I can lie next to him but I must keep absolutely quite and I mustn’t move unnecessarily. I have a photo to prove this incident, because when my parents got home and saw this they could not believe their eyes. In the picture we are both smiling and we are lying in bed next to each together in the exact same position. This to me, was an amazing incident. It proved that he loved me. And he always did.

One of your life long friends made an interesting comment tonight: it’s not that we have forgotten you, it’s just that the pain of remembering has gotten easier to bear.

To end off, I will quote the words from the song we played at your funeral, Metallica’s “Fade to Black” (you weren’t depressed or anything, you just really liked Metallica and apparently you had a thing going with your friends – that if you died young this would be the song that played):

Yesterday seems as though it never existed

Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye



Your head stone


Your favourite thing in the world

I am aware that this post is pretty incoherent and the paragraphs have no relation to each other, but tonight I don’t really care much. We miss you.

February 22, 2012. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , . Music, Sad. 3 comments.

Can a song be hauntingly beautiful?

The answer is: Yes! Of course it can. Silly question. I can’t believe I even posed such a question. If you read my post music makes the world go round you would know how important melodies are to me. I particularly love the song Skinny Love by Bon Iver (written by Justin Vernon) and in my previous post mentioned above I make reference to a remix of it, which I happen to also love.

And then one lovely day, I was watching tv and Skinny Love started playing, totally catching me off guard, because it was not Bon Iver or the remix by Das Kapital. This was done by a girl called Birdy and it was love at first listen. Not that I am shunning the other two versions, I really love all three now. The more the merrier right? So why did I instantly fall in love with this song?  Well, I shall tell you.

1. It is sung by a girl. I love to hear a female voice sing. I actually prefer it to a man’s voice. Most of my favourite bands have female lead singers. By the way, Birdy (real name Jasmine Van den Bogaerde) is only 15.

2. It truly is hauntingly beautiful. You want to cry when you listen to it. And not because your ears are bleeding, but because it touches your heart and you can live yourself into the song.

So, I am going to share it with you  so that you can experience it and decide for yourself. Let me know what you think.



November 17, 2011. Tags: , , , , . Music. 9 comments.

Music makes the world go round

I don’t know how you feel about music. But since I was born, music has played a very big part in my life. Here is an example to show you just how much music I listen to in a day.

I get up in the morning and put on the radio to listen to the traffic reports and the news, but I am listening to music too (and unfortunately the most annoying laughter and chatter from the presenters).

When I drive I have the radio or a CD on.

At work I listen to music on my iPod or on the internet.

When I am at home there is always music playing in my room, be it on my laptop or a CD or the radio. (Except when I sleep, then I need absolute silence and darkness.)

When I go to gym I listen to my iPod or VH1 on the machine.

So, as you can see there is always a tune playing somewhere. Plus when I must have a silent moment there is always a song playing in my head, I think they call it ear-worms? That’s when you can’t get a song out of your head. It happens to me all the time!

What this constant sound of music in my life does though, is it makes me associate certain memories, occurrences and people with certain songs. This is great! But sometimes the music is associated with bad/sad memories and I actually don’t listen to that particular song for a while until I feel that memory hurts less.

One of the interesting things is, we all attribute different meanings to different songs. We don’t all think that one song means one thing. Unless you personally know the artists, you don’t know what he was trying to say. You have your own interpretation and maybe someone else’s. But in the end, art is what you want it to be for you. By analysis of words and emotions it brings up in you, you make a decision as to what you want this song to mean to you.

I wanted to share this song with you. It’s Skinny Love by Bon Iver, but it is the Das Kapital rerub. Skinny Love is an incredible song in its own right – nice acoustic guitar, beautiful lyrics and Justin Vernon’s voice is raw with passion and emotion. But this mix is just awesome! Whenever I feel a bit down, I play this and instantly my head is bobbing to it, I’m humming along and I just feel my mood lift. Take a listen and let me know what you think…

P.s. Thanks to http://www.themostdefinitely.com/ for introducing me to this song 🙂 I found it there. Oh and thanks to soundcloud for the clip. And thanks to Justin Vernon for making sad-love sound so beautiful (yes, this was my interpretation of the song). And thanks to Das Kapital for lightening my mood every time.

September 12, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , . Uncategorized. 2 comments.

Enjoy the scenery

I think I am a hard worker who deserves to have some time off when the occasion presents itself. And it presented itself last weekend. I took Monday off and turned it into a long weekend (with Tuesday being a public holiday) and it was absolutely worth it 🙂

Friday started with some delicious sushi and a few fun games of foosball with five of my close friends.

On Saturday, my love and I took the road to Ceres to visit his sister and her husband and their cute little girl on the farm. We had a good drive there with snow decorating the mountain tops and baboons sitting along the road. When we arrived there we were first greeted by their two dogs, Jesse the cocker spaniel and Boo a.k.a. Kahlua who is a pure mix breed (see their pics below), and then the family.

Jesse the cocker spaniel

Kahlua the pure mix breed

We had a great time there, with my love’s sister making yummy food every day. Our hosts spoiled us rotten and they are easy to talk to. For someone like me who has serious communication issues that is a major PLUS.

On Sunday we went for a walk in the veld and a drive on the bakkie. I felt like such a plaasmeisie with my hair blowing in the wind while standing on the back of the bakkie. Here are some photos of the picturesque scenery.

Snow on the mountain

Pretty tree

Their own park

Eden on the farm

As you can see, it is beautiful. Sadly, our trip had to end and we took the drive home. But Monday was another big day, because I got to see The Used live! And to my surprise, also P.H.Fat, Lark and Fokofpolisiekar. Man, I was so happy 🙂 Lark was amazing! Inge Beckmann’s voice is so strong and full of life. Plus she wore this black cape thing that looked really cool! If I had to wear it people might mistake me for an extreme weirdo, but it suited her style and way of being.

As usual Fokofpolisiekar got the crowd going, they just know how to amp people up for a show. The show ended with The Used who blew my mind. It was amazing hearing those songs that I have listened to since high school being played live. Songs that I related to when I was younger that are filled with so many memories. Now I have made new memories with those same songs.

Thanks to everyone who made my long weekend super special 🙂

August 11, 2011. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Holiday. Leave a comment.